In a previous blog entry, I discussed the issue of a female coaching football. The ire raised by this matter spurred me to investigate further the true extent to which women have penetrated the glass ceiling and become accepted as valuable co-workers.
In light of the event described below, I’m not encouraged. I understand, however (since I did attend Vassar College, after all), that being a white male immediately excludes me from speaking authoritatively on this matter, so I went to the source. Several sources, in fact.
I have numerous female friends who own businesses and a few female clients, so I discussed this matter with them. When I asked them whether or not they felt accepted as female sole proprietors or business owners, they regaled me with alarming (and amusing) stories of innuendo, subtle sexual harassment and overt “sleep with me” propositions from male co-workers and clients.
They quickly added that many of these incidents were exceptions, so it’s not like we’re still in the Stone Age—although the incident described below may cause you to think otherwise…
One of my female business owner friends recently received a positive review in a local publication about a new initiative she’s spearheading. The article, which specifically mentioned her age and a personal feature (of her appearance), also included a photo of her. Since she’s a savvy marketer, she got a pdf of the article and sent it to her friends, colleagues and clients.
While my friend was displeased with the column's mention of her personal feature, she let it go because she has a personal relationship with the columnist. She knows he meant it affectionately, and she's grateful to have that personal connection.
Beyond the fact that her age and her appearance have little to do with her initiative, here’s where the story gets interesting: One of her male colleagues (who also happens to be a client) replied to her email with a completely inappropriate, sexually suggestive remark. Without getting into specifics, it alluded to her photo.
My friend is now legitimately concerned with the influence the piece will have on the broader audience whom she does not know and with whom she may in the future seek to do business. She wonders, will these potential clients recall her age and the reference to her personal feature and view these things as "aww, isn't she cute" (and thus a reason not to take her seriously)?
As a young female entrepreneur she already confronts a substantial challenge being taken seriously. The column, while well intentioned, heightens that challenge. Being labeled as anything other than a business expert has deleterious consequences for her and her business; the reference to her age and a personal feature have absolutely nothing to do with her business acumen or her nascent initiative.
Here’s why the reference to her personal feature bothers me:
One, such terms would NEVER be used in that way to describe a male; they are quite simply condescending and dismissive.
Two, continuing to use such words captures the inward-looking perspective and inbred attitude some males still have regarding females in the workplace and as entrepreneurs.
Three, the reference is a diminutive that has no place in a serious piece about an important, substantive issue.
The lewd remark is infinitely more concerning, because it reveals a tacit undercurrent of chauvinism, sexism and discrimination—-all of which have no place in a mutually respectful business environment. In an office, sending such an email represents creating a hostile work environment and is grounds for dismissal.
My friend feels disrespected as a female and as a business person. In the freelance world, because she doesn’t want to alienate this client and lose his business and his connections, my friend is understandably uncomfortable sharing with him her true feelings on this issue. Yet she is similarly uncomfortable with the steady stream of similar remarks coming from this clueless client.
Faced with this quandary, I turned to the one woman who has throughout my life answered such questions and generally provided good advice regarding how women should be treated, both in and out of the workplace: My mom.
She shared with me the following story: Sally Quinn, before she married Ben Bradlee (Editor-in-chief of The Washington Post), while interviewing a well-known senator, felt his hand on her backside. Did she remove the hand? “Hell, no,” she said, “if the guy is giving me a good story he could leave his hand just where it was.”
This time, mom is wrong (hope she’s not reading this entry, or I’m in trouble!).
When a woman (or anyone, for that matter) feels marginalized, discriminated against, taken advantage of or made to feel uncomfortable based on her sex, color, religion or sexual preference, it creates a hostile work environment for everyone. That’s not conducive for productivity, team orientation, and morale.
The fact that this still happens on a seemingly regular basis is not encouraging.
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